Well its done!

I'm banded:-) It was done 2 weeks ago today actually, but I've been busy recovering and havn't thought to post a blog till now.

Everything went really smoothly, I was the second person on my surgeons operating list that day, so I didn't have to wait very long. Just like when I got the endoscopy, I was plesently surprised about how quickly I passed out when the anaesthesiologist had done his thing, i wasnt even aware of thinking 'oh its happening now' before I knew it I was vaugely aware of an elephant sitting on my chest, or mabey a boa constrictor had wrapped itself around me. I could hear a womans voice saying my name and asking me to rate my pain on a scale of one to five, with five being unbearable, I picked four and she gave me a magic shot (morphine) that made it a bit better. I was super spacey and have no idea as to how long I was in the recovery room, the lovely nurse who gave me the morphine just sat chatting with me, asking me questions about stuff and kept checking in about my pain levels. Then she said that they had to transfer me to the bed the would take me to my room in, commenting that it was stupid that they hadn't done it while I was still unconscious. I agree. It was quite an unwelcome shock at that point to have a bunch of orderlies and nurses grabbing and moving me onto another bed, it hurt, alot, and I felt really vulnerable and conscious of how hard it must be for them to move someone my size.

After that they wheeled me to my room, which was kind of surreal, I felt like I was on a hospital tv show:-) I was glad to find that I had a room to myself, which I wasnt expecting as a private patient in a public hospital. Everything went pretty well after that, as soon as I was allowed I started sipping water slowly with no problems, I was fine getting up to pee, although found that I couldnt stand up for more than a few minutes without getting woozy.

I left the hospital and went to my folks house for a couple of nights so that they could lavish me with attention, then went home and just rested, took pain killers and walked around the house for the next 10 days. I had a few outings to the shops and stuff, went for a walk or two along the river, but basically just chilled.

My incision area's (4 of them) are healing well, and the elephant sitting in my chest feeling went away after 5-6 days. I've dealt really well with the liquid diet (for 10 days post surgery) and am slowly introducing the mushy/minced meals for the next fortnight, before I progress onto soft foods. It feels like its all 'text book' really, nothing frightfull (knock wood) has happened, I'm not having any cravings for anything (although proper food SMELLS great) and I'm not even hungry yet. THAT is a weird feeling, but I'm ok with it.

My first fill is scheduled for 2 January.

4 more sleeps!

4 more sleeps till my surgery day, I'm pretty organised, have stocked up on post surgery supplies and stocked the pantry/freezer with suitable foods for the next two phases of diet (liquid then mushy). Ive been doing 3 pilates matt classes a week for the past 2 months, and have added in a couple of reformer classes as well in the lead up to surgery, so I'm feeling pretty good, I'll miss it alot while I'm in recovery mode and can't go:-( don't know where my weight is at, cause I decided to only weigh myself at the surgeons office, as I didnt want to get attached to the number of kg's lost, given that the pre-surgery diet is technically about liver shrinking and not weight loss.

I've had one dinner out in the 3.5 weeks I've been on the diet, and the couple of times I've strayed from the set diet, was once with some yoghurt and an extra piece of fruit when I found myself out and about with no shake, and one other time with some tofu with my vegies, so I'm feeling really good about my commitment to the diet. I'm not even worried about the couple of days before the surgery, its strange but true, I know I won't stray.

I'm even planning on doing the last 2 days on shakes only, no vegies/fruit, just to give my stomach and digestive system a rest before the chop:-)

Day 11 update

Yesterday I met with the anaesthesiologist at the hospital where I'm being banded, so thats another appointment ticked off the list, he said everything was good to go!

Today I had my endoscopy which all went well, doctor said my stomach was perfect, fine and dandy to be operated on. the light anaesthetic they put me under was easy peasy, i was a bit worried about it as I havn't had one before, but it was really quite pleasent, i felt a little tingle in my head after the doctor gave me the shot ..... then nothing, i was waking up in another room:-)

on the pre-surgery diet front, today is day 11 and i weighed myself on the surgeons scales after my endoscopy, and I have lost 6 kgs:-) woohoo

I LOVE QSUPER I LOVE QSUPER I LOVE QSUPER

I LOVE QSUPER I LOVE QSUPER I LOVE QSUPER

I just got my superannuation early release approved, in fact the money's in the bank, before I even got a letter on anything. it may be a record, I applied last Monday, so thats one week and one day from application to money in bank. I love QSuper:-)

Now, I just have to do the surgery part:-)

MONEY MONEY MONEY:-) Im instantly de-stressed:-)

day 8 of pre-surgery diet

I'm doing much better now, the first 5 days were hell, not because i was hungry, I actually wasn't really, I just felt physically rubbish, really really tired and spacey in the head, distracted, I couldn't focus on anything. It was probably a combination of the diet, the cleanse pills I'm taking and having my period! but I took friday off work and rested and drank lots of berocca and soluble minerals and felt heaps better by saturday! today I feel almost normal, but less hungry, I'm having to actually remind myself to have my shake/eat. its a strange feeling, but one I hope to get used to:-)

I havnt weighed myself, as I dont want to get to attached ti the weightloss side of it, the main focus of this diet is to shrink my liver pre-surgery, so I am focussing on that. Given that I last weighed myself in the surgeons office 3 days before I started the diet, I will re-weigh there next time I'm in there, which is next wednesday.

almost one step closer!

I just got a call from the person processing my application for an early release of my super funds (thats how I'm funding the surgery) and she said that the application all looks good, and she's putting in the recommendation today (to the powers that be at the super fund) to approve my application! she said that she doesnt forsee any problems and that if it gets the tick, the money will be in my account before the end of the week! She also said that she'd call me once it was approved so that I'd know right away and not have to wait for a letter in the mail. I loves her!

day 4 of pre surgery diet

day 4! i had my pre-admission session at the hospital today, it all went well. i have to go back for an appointment with the anaestesiologist and for a blood test, one week before the surgery. I also got a call from my super fund saying that they were in the process of assessing my claim, and that i needed to get new quotes from the hospital as they hadnt put my name on the quotes and had used the medicare item numbers rather than writing out the name of the procedure. poo. i thought it was all done, now i need to go back to the hospital to organise the quotes, i tried calling, it did not go well, I was transferred to 'someone who can help you' twice which resulted in me being cut off and I figure i may as well go there.

physically, i'm feeling quite tired, distrated and a bit light in the head, no headache though, so thats good. I'll take it easy at pilate tonite and try to go to bed nice and early!

day 2

day 2 of my pre-surgery diet, I even stayed over at a friends house last night and ate the right dinner and didnt even have a brandy or beer. I also took myself off to the shops before I went so that I'd have food for today, I couldnt get the exact right protein drink, but the one i got was close enough and i was impressed with myself that i didnt just go - fuck it i'll start properly tomorrow - so thats a step in the right direction. on the slightly more challanging side I am feeling the side effects of the 'cleanse' pills I am taking and I got my period as well, so the next couple of days will be interesting. I had also decided as part of the cleanse to not have coffee over the next 3 weeks, but i completely forgot that this morning when my friends was brewing coffee and happily drank a cup and didnt realise till i sat down at my desk this morning that I meant to skip the coffee:-) oh well

Super application lodged

I lodged my application for an early release of my super funds to pay for the surgery. fingers crossed it is approved - and quickly! the lady at the counter said that my application looked very complete and then she kind of whispered to me that they (my super fund) are 'very good' about releasing funds (compared to other funds) and that they almost always do it faster than the 10 days that the form says they will take. fingers crossed! i know i'll feel much less stressed about the whole thing when I dont have to worry about the money anymore.

First Day of pre-surgery diet

Today is the first day of the pre-surgery diet I am doing, the primary aim to to shrink my liver, but I will obviously lose weight as well. To make it even more fun, I am also cutting out caffine, in all its delicious forms.

My basic diet will consist of a meal replacement shake for breakfast lunch and dinner. And I am also allowed to have 2 pieces of fruit per day and also salad/vegies (no potato/sweet potato) at lunch and dinner, no oils/fats allowed but the dietician said to have as much sald/vegie as I wanted (some make you only have 1 cup of each per day) I can also have miso soup when ever i feel like it and diet jelly if i feel like something sweet.

I am also taking a course of herbal supplements called 'quick cleanse' that are supposed to help detox your liver/bowel. I figure it can't hurt. I'll also likely do a gall bladder flush next weekend, for anyone who knows what that entails will know how gross it is:-) I have to get the exact details from my mum, but from memory of the last time i did it, it involved drinking a mixture of grapefruit juice and olive oil before going to bed, and then drinking epson salts in water in the morning. the end effect being that it flushes out any gallstones and well, makes you poo alot. I think I'll take friday off work and do it then, so that I have the weekend to recover:-)

I'm feeling fairly positive about starting the pre-surgery diet. I had been doing 2 meals a day with a meal replacement shake for a month before I first met with my Surgeon, so I think it'll be ok:-) I'll keep up the pilates I've been doing 3 times a week (may even try to squeeze in some extra one on one sessions) and I suppose when/if I start to feel crappy I'll just remind myself that its really the last 'diet' I will ever be on. After I have the band, managing my portions will be so much easier that while I know I'll have to always be conscious of what/how I'd eating, I wont have to worry so much about the quantitites which is the thing I've struggled with in the past.

Woohoo

surgery delayed mabey:-(

but only by a week! I think my surgery date has been pushed back a week, I just got a call from the hospital to organise me to come in for something called 'pre-admission clinic' where I think they basically make me fill out paper work and take my blood pressure etc. And the lady said mu surgery date was 28 November not 21 as the surgeon told me at my last appointment. I've left a message with the surgeon to confirm, but the lady from the hospital sounded like she knew what she was on about, and that the surgeon tried to book me in for 21 November but the hospital couldn't swing it:-( Oh well, it'll give me an extra week to organise the money and some extra time on the pre-surgery diet which can only help! So I'm ok with it, but if they change it again .... I'm cracking skulls:-)

update: definately pushed back a week

I just cried

But in a good way:-)with my surgery booked (21 Nov) and it all becoming real, I have, over the last couple of days, told my closest friends and my family (I have 4 sisters:-) Everyone has been amazing (my pilates instructor grilled me a bit, but all from a wanting to know details point of view) I just got the most lovely email from my sisters and they have all decided (along with my nieces who are over 18) to go on a liquids diet themselves for 3 days from when I get my surgery, to show their support so I don't feel alone. How sweet is that. I just wanted to share that with everyone, cause well, it made me cry a bit:-) I know some people feel a bit fearful of telling friends/family about surgery, but sometimes, well, people are great:-)

surgery date set - 21 November

its locked in, I'll be banded on 21 November:-) Will start pre-surgery diet on 31 October and also scheduled in to have an endoscopy on 13 November o the can check my junk out before the actual surgery. the count down has started. Now I just need to do the paper work to get the money from my super fund. positive thoughts that it is processed easily:-)

2nd appointment with surgeon today

i'm a bit sacred, excited but nervous. We'll go over the reports from the dietician, pysc and blood test results. If everything checks out we'll set a surgery date. The date. Big stuff.

first dietician visit

I had my first dietician visit this morning, like everyone else the works with Dr L she was lovely, we went over my eating habits and she said that she thought i'd do very well with the band as my biggest problem is portion control and too much carbohydrate. given that the band will help with portion control and the the reason i eat so much carbohydrates (mostly pasta/rice) is to fill me up, I think it'll work well. I wont need the pasta to fill me up after the band, so I can stick with yummy proteins, vegies and sauces and not have to rely on rice/pasta to fill up! wahoo:-)

she went over the pre surgery eating requirements with me, which basically boils down to a meal replacement drink 3 times a day (i'll be using sandra cabots QuickLoss instead of the usual Optifast, the dietician approved of this choice after reveiwing its ingredients) and 2 serves of fruit a day, plus salad at lunch and vegies (no oil) at dinner. she said not to worry about limiting quantites of salad and vegies which will make it easier. I can also have diet jelly and clear soups (miso for me, yum) So I'm not worried about htis phase at all, I'm already doing one or two Quickloss shakes a day at the moment, so I think it'll be fine and dandy:-)

I made another appointment already for pre-surgery and she'll measure me then. I think I'll also get one of my girls (translate: flatmates) to measure me each week and take photographs, its easier when someone else does it!

I have my seond surgical consult on thursday, so I should know then what my surgery date is, i think it'll be either 14 or 21 November! Not long now.

The few people i've told so far have been super supportive. The most concerned was my pilates instructor :-) and all she said was, 'do you realise that it will change what you can eat for the rest of you life?' i laughed and said 'thats the point' she was well intentioned and as soon as she realised I had researched it thoroughly and thought about it at length, she said that she was happy that I had made a decision to do something positive for my health!

when is too much thinking too much?

you see, i'm a thinker. and a researcher. and a thinker. so I've really been going over this thing in my head alot since I took my first serious step on this road. and it has been keeping me up nights a bit, with the thinking, not the should i / shouldn't i idea, but more going over in my head as to the reasons I am this way and how i will combine my good habits/tendancies with the band to make it work in my favour, while leaving the bad habits behind.

see it requires lots of thinking. and i'm not shying away from it. i want to think long and hard about what will work for me, what won't. the fabulous new things/habits I can welcome into my life while saying goodbye (even if its just for a while) to some others. Like drinking. it feels likes that at least for a while after surgery, that it will be best to put that aside for 6 months or so. and i'm ok with that, I am way more excited about being fitter and healthier than I am about a glass of red wine (even a really good shiraz). but i think its more important to think about that stuff and make a conscience informed choice before diving into surgery. I dont want to be stuck with that feeling of, oh i wish I had've known....

so, without obsessing i need to think about some things that i may never be able to enjoy again, from what i understand everyone reacts differently but it seems there is a good chance i will never be able to eat steak again. not even a nice rare eye fillet . . . now i dont want to have a big binge of things that i wont be able to eat again, but i feel totally ok with the idea of going to a great steak place to enjoy a fabulous piece of meat, just in case in doesnt agree with me in the future. i think i will start a list:-)

first psychologist appointment and some rambings

i just had my first evaluation appointment with the psychologist Dr L works with. Lets call her M, she is lovely. Not scary at all. She went over my history of weight gain and we talked about the emotional triggers/reasons behind it, fortunately I have done the therapy thing a bit before and the odd workshop or two, so I felt comfortable about my ability to articulate the who/what/wheres ands whys. I feel comfortable with her, she is reassuring at the right moments, non judgmental and really seems to love her job. i love that. plus, she has a fabulous smile, the kind that makes you want to smile too;-)

I was a little apprehensive going in, as I've had a hectic week work week, plus freelance jobs and some sleeplessness caused by thinking about the whole Lap Banding idea a fair bit. See i'm not afraid of talking about my feelings but i was a little worried that i'd have a stressy tired crying reaction to her first question. and it wouldn't have been a genuine 'i'm really upset about something cry' it would've been more of a stress release cry and i was worried that it would be mistaken for a general unbalancedness, and i'm not. i'm balanced baby;-) but like anyone, I'm totally capable of having a stress cry especially when I only slept for 5 hours the night before.

But I was worried for nothing, when i sat down in her office, I just felt comfortable and relaxed. so along with the general talking about my history, I did some questionaires on depression, binge eating etc. they were fairly straight forward, I almost expected her to bust out an enneagram test as well, but she didn't.

my main struggle with the binge/food questionaire was trying to answer without thinking too much, see I'm not afraid of telling the truth, I want it to be the truth, but the truth for me is varied when it comes to eating. more often than not, I make wholeistically healthy food choices, put me in a resteraunt and 9 times out of 10 i'll order a side salad instead of chips (if offered the choice) even if its a salad that has so much good stuff in it that my brain knows the chips probably have less calories. i dont do it because i should, but because its genuinely what i prefer. At home, I buy organic dairy, meat and other stuff. i eat dark bitter chocolate. i love vegetables and seafood (not fried) when i buy bread i buy dark chewy grainy bread. I eat tofu alot instead of meat, just because i like it. (hey dont get me wrong, I'm not a saint, i do buy a bit of rubbish food from the grocery store sometimes, but definatley not all the time) I havn't used a chemical product on the outside of my body in over 18 months.

But ...

when I do have a binge, I choose the crap foods, potato chips, cheap milk chocolate, white bread products, pepsi max, sweet biscuits, whole pizza's (the crappy kind) anything rubbish to fill me up till i'm so full it hurts. i can go to town on a sizzler salad bar, and often in social/meal sharing situations I'll find myself eating just because its there. i also tend to overeat on home cooked meals unless i portion it out and put away the left overs before i sit down to eat. silly hey:-)

so, I answered as best i could, they responses may make me look a bit all over the place and cant make up my mind, but I guess thats a true reflection of my eating habbits. My actions in this area of my life do not always match up with my values, which is what has led to my body being so out of harmony with my head:-) here's to bringing them into alignment!

and now ....

So, by the end of this week I will have had my appointments with the psychologist and dietician, whose reports will be discussed with me along with my blood test results at my second surgeons appointment next thursday. If all goes well (as in the psycholgist doesnt say I'm a nut job) then we'll look at scheduling a surgery date.

After the second consult with the surgeon (and before the surgery) I need to do 3 weeks on a liquid VLCD (very low calorie diet) that is supposed to shrink the (probably fatty) liver pre-surgery (important as they need to lift the liver to get to the stomach) so the smaller/less fatty it is the safer the surgery is.

So the first possible date for my surgery is 14 November the next available date is 21 November, for social (gigs to go to, not dinner parties:-) and work reasons the 21st suits me better. but i'll see what happens!

blood blood and more blood

i had my blood test this morning, the women filled enough vials to feed an army of vampires. on the upside, she was really good at it! Usually I have wussy veins that hide at the mere mention of the word needle, then have a tendancy to collapse once they are actaully penetrated. But his woman was great, she got a vein first try and it didnt collapse and she filled all the vials really fast (even she commented that there were ALOT, 7 in all i think:-)

results will be sent straight to my surgeon

first meeting with the surgeon

I've had my first surgical consult with Dr L and he was lovely. he explained all the different surgical option with the pros and cons of each giving me plenty of time for questions.

I felt so comfortable with him and the members of his team that I've met, so I've decided to proceed.

Here is is the process of appointments as its been outlined to me.

* Appointment with Dr L to discuss surgical options, he also ordered blood tests
* Blood test
* Dietician Appointment
* Psychologist Appointment
* 2nd appointment with Doctor L to review blood test and reports from your sessions with the psychologist and dietician. Assuming the psychologist and dietician don't feel you need further appointments with them and the blood test results havn't revealed anything abnormal then the surgery is scheduled in.

* Before the surgery you have an additional appointment with the psychologist to help prepare you for the surgery and also an appointment with the dietician and an exercise physiologist to prepare you for after the surgery.

* Before the surgery Dr L does a procedure called gastroscopy (?), where they look down into your stomache with a camera to make sure its all ok and you dont have a herniated umm, something. He said this step helps to avoid the situation of going in for the actual surgery and being unable to proceed due to other problems. I'll be glad for this part of the process actually, as I have never been to hospital before or been under anasthetic, so it'll be like a test run:-)

* Surgery *

* after surgery, aside from the post op checkups / fills etc, there is an additional psychologist/ dietician/exercise physiologist sessions make sure your going ok with everything.

The completeness of the whole package feels right for me, they really seem to emphasise the lifestyle/metal/exercise componants of the process.

I'll post more details once i've experienced it!

one day till meeting with surgeon

I'm meeting with Dr L tomorrow. I was initially concerned about the fact that he's only been specialising in this surgery for about 1 year, but, I think in the end it wont impact on my decision (from my research, he is a highly skilled surgeon who has been specialising in gastrointestinal for quite some time, if not this specific procedure).

The information and attention I have received from his support staff so far (especially his practice manager Shirley) have been amazing. They seem to run a very 'whole package' surgery option, with dietician, Psychologist and exercise physiology sessions (2 of each I think) included in his surgery fee and are mandatory, which is an approach that feels right for me. They also run a monthly support group meeting, supervised by their Psychologist, that I attended, which was very helpful.

I am going to meet with at least one other surgeon (possibly 2) and I know that many people prefer to go with a surgeon who has done hundreds of a specific procedure, but I think I'll go with my (bad pun alert) gut feeling.

Information seminar - Dr D

I went to an information Seminar by Dr D, a Brisbane Surgeon who does alot of WLS (weightloss surgery). He was very informative, and spent alot of time answering questions, but I knew within half an hour he wasnt the surgeon for me (well, within 5 minutes, but I was trying to be open minded) my reasons, well, most are petty preferences on my behalf, but if I'm going to pay someone to cut me open and stick things inside me, I want to feel comfortable with and preferable like the person. it was, well his vibe that put me off.

When he was talking about his past patients he constanstly referred to people as being 'really huge' dragging out the words as he said it and often gesturing with his hands to indicate their size. Now, I'm not in denial here, I know he's talking about people that are morbidly obese (as I am) and bigger. I know its a case of you say tomato I say tomato ... but I prefer words like large, big, or even the horrible obese word. I know for other people different words trigger different emotional reactions, but for me the 'realllllyyyy huuuuuugggeee' didnt work for me.

It wasnt just that, he also repeatedly stated that in his opinion obesity was worse/more dangerious that cancer. CANCER. thats right. Now technically he may be correct (I wouldnt know the statistics) but it felt insensative, he can stress the point that obesity is dangerous without comparing it to cancer. repeatedly. he also said that 'curing' someone of obesity was (in his opinion) more of a 'arn't I a great surgeon' moment than curing someone of cancer. cancer.

thirdly, he had a fairly negative attitude towards others peoples reaction to someone having WLS. he went on for quite a while about how 'other people' dont understand and will react badley to being told that your having WLS, and your best off not telling people, and just talking about it with other people who have had it done. well bollocks to that I say, there's no shame in having this done and if you educate yourself about the facts, its really easy to respond to peoples misinformed opinions. Now I'm not saying I'm going to tell everyone that I'm doing this it is a sensative, private issue and I'll tell people in my own time, but I didnt like his take on it.

Not for me. I'll find someone that is though:-)

GP Appointment

I had an appointment today with a GP that I've seen once or twice before to get the referrals I need to see a surgeon regarding the Lap Banding. With the research I've done, I actually felt more knowledgable than the GP, but he admitted that he didnt know alot. Still, he gave me the referral's I needed. I will go back to him once or twice more to get a support letter from him to send my Super Fund so that they will let me access my super early to fund the surgery, and also to get him to activate a thing called an Enhanced Primary Care which will allow me to get a rebate from Medicare for 5 allied health sessions. So I'll get a bit of a rebate on my Physcology/Dietician/Exercise Physiology. Afer that, I'll find a new GP that I actually like. this guy is just convienient for now, as I have seen him before.

Preliminary meeting with the practice manager

One of the surgeons (Dr L) I'm interested in has a lovely practice manager (she's a surgical nurse herself and also his wife) that I had an appointment with today. She was very informative and helpful and talked with me for about an hour with no charge, alot of other practices charge a considerable fee to meet with a nurse (which you cant claim back from medicare) to discuss the surgery. She was very open and I really like their approach to the surgery, its very wholistic and includes physcology, dieticians and exercise physiology sessions pre and post surgery.

At the end of the session I told her that I just needed to get my GP referral then I would make an appointment to see Dr L.

so, how do I pay for this?

So, I've been thinking about the Lap Band thing, but how do I pay for it? there are a couple of options

1) take out private hospital cover, wait for 12 months (the waiting period) then get the surgery done with anywhere between $1000 - $10000 out of pocket expenses, thats after making health fund contributions for 12 months.

2) do it now, get a personal loan to pay for it - between 10-20K from the research I've done, depending on some variables like private/public hospital

2) do it now, apply for an early release of my Superannuation Funds to pay for it, again, it'll cost between 10-20K this way.

After much deliberating, I'm going to self fund through Super. The money will be no good to me at retirement age if my health starts to go to shit because of the obesity (make that morbid obesity, cause thats what it is), so with all due respect to the 'don't touch your super' people out there, I'm doing it. On the flip side, I will start salary sacrificing extra money into my Super after the surgery and think that I can replace the amount I take out within 3-4 years.

If I find a surgeon who can 'do me' as an intermediate patient in a public hospital, then I rekon I can swing the whole thing for 10K. thats a bargain I rekon.

I will take out hospital cover once I commit to a surgery date, it won't help me out now, but statistically around 10% of people who have Lap Bands need to have them surgically adjusted at some point for a few different reasons, so I'll cover myself financially against that possibility so I dont need to dip into my super again.

who where what and why

pre-reading warning
I'm doing this blog for myself, as a way of recording the process of considering getting a weight loss surgery, my thoughts, my opinions, my feelings, thats it. i dont want to argue with people about the cons/bad sides of surgery or discuss alternatives. I know what they are, I research stuff alot before I commit. this is for me, if someone stubles across this blog (assuming i even hit the option that says publish:-) feel free to read it, ask questions, comment, but lets keep it positive people. Also, I swear sometimes, and rant, deal with it or dont read it. plus i rarely spell the word psychology properly, there bound to be other typos as well, I am not a writer and won't be going to huge effort to correct these.
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so, I am Katie, 30 years old and I live in Brisbane (Australia) I am considering getting a type of weight loss surgery (WLS) called a Lap Band (aka, stomach banding, the band, LB) because I am morbidly obese. Not curvy, large, big boned, fat, well padded. Morbidly Obese. MORBIDLY OBESE.

makes it sound like I'm about to die doesn't it, well unless I (knock would) get hit my a bus tomorrow, I wont. But I'm starting to feel that its ineveitable. Sure not for a long time, but one day. I'll be bold and say what my 'stats' are

height: 178cm
weight: 148kg
(i'll add measurements when i take them)

yes, you read that right, and thats after 2 months of (mostly) watching what I eat and actually exercising. Before that, I stepped on my scales and I was too heavy for them (they have a 150kg capacity) that shocked me. alot. enough to start using a meal replacement program for 1-2 meals a day (mostly 2) and started pilates and bicycle riding. so now I'm down to below 150kg, but only just.

I'm pretty lucky compared to alot of people who reach my size, I dont have sleep apneoa, diabeties, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, fucked knees. or many of the plethora of problems that plague people when they get this big. but its bound to happen eventually right?

My biggest problems I suppose are lack of energy, slow metabolism, sluggish thyroid, slighly wacked hormone levels, and the actual fat. it gets in my way, stops me from doing things, I'm over it. I want to have more energy, be able to walk up stairs without getting out of breath, I want to shop in regular size clothes shops, i want to be able to wear knee high boots, Iwant to be able to do circus classes, and pole dancing classes, I want to be able to go hang gliding, I want to be able to shag a guy without wondering if he has a fat fetish or is actually into me, I want to play badminton in the park without it being a marathon exercise session for me, I want to be able to run for the bus without having to grab my chest to stop my boobs from knocking me out, I want to be able to get one a plane without having to ask for an extension belt. ok so the list of wants it longer than that. but thats it for now.

So, I'm researching, reading other peoples blogs, forums, books. all of it. at this point i'm fairley certain i'll do it, i just have to find the right surgeon. i'll meet them soon i think:-)